Quality time.

Over the weekend I had to attend a mini-retreat at our church for parents of children enrolled in religious education. I can't say I learned anything new during the two hours there, but one piece of information made me go, "Hmmm...."

Bebe gets up at 6:30am. Our goal is to leave the house by 7:20. That's 50 minutes. We have a 10-15 minute car ride. That's about an hour, maybe more.

I pick up Bebe by 6 o'clock. Her bedtime is 8:30 (although sometimes I let her stay up until 9). That's 2.5 hours.

I spend THREE AND A HALF HOURS a day with Bebe. That's it! 3.5 waking hours. And honestly, it's even less some days. On Tuesdays it's usually only 1 (because Dede picks up the kids and watches them at night--I come home after they're in bed). On Thursdays it's usually 2.5 (because she is at gymnastics for an hour).

HOW do we spend time together during those few hours? The wrong way.

I'm ashamed to admit that most of the time, Bebe walks in the door and sits in front of the TV until bedtime. Sure, sometimes she plays computer or her DS instead, but she usually just vegs out. She even eats dinner in front of the TV most nights, because I've usually got Dois already eating and my meal isn't done being cooked yet.

D and I fall into the trap of complaining about how she spends SO much time in front of the TV and she has so many toys she never plays with... but it's really our fault. We enable her. Because we know if she is playing, 90% of the time she is begging us to play with her... and we're occupied with something else. She's high maintenance. So we stick her in front of the TV or whatnot instead.

I have even LESS time with Dois every night, and yet some nights I get in an episode of Super Why.

Why do I do this? What is my primary vocation? To be a mother to my children, or to be a wife?

Starting tonight, things are different.

For starters, when we walked in the door, I told Bebe she could have 1/2 hour of "screen time" but she needed to decide WHEN and WHAT right then. She chose a favorite show (Wild Kratts) at 8pm.

Bebe, Dois, and I all sat down to dinner together. Sure, I had to "entertain" Bebe by making up a Halloween story, but we all sat down at the table together.

After dinner, Bebe retreated to her room to play, because Dois was begging for "night night." Turned out he didn't want to GO "night night", though, he wanted to play. So for 30 minutes she hung out in her room playing with her Littlest Pet Shop toys, while Dois and I played in the hallway. (I was doing diaper laundry, and sitting in the hallway near the washer ensured I could keep it going while still playing.) He made a game out of me tossing all of his (6) pacis in the air and then he would scramble to get them, then hand them back to me one-by-one... only for him to beg me to do it all over again. :) We played this game until I decided he was worn out enough to go "night night" for real. It was so fun to play a random "game"--because one thing I feel is that I don't really KNOW how to play with my kids anymore.

Bebe and I played games (Guess Who? and Don't Break the Ice) for a half an hour (while I simultaneously finished my dinner--because Dois had begged for "night night" before I was done), and then it was time for her show. She watched, and when it was over, she went straight to bed--with little fighting or protesting. (That's some sort of miracle.)

I'm determined to make the 2.5-3.5 hours per day at least 75% quality time. I don't think it's going to be easy--trying to juggle everything never has been my strong point. I'm also trying to figure out how I can focus on my time with the kids and not be doing something else at the same time... One step at a time, though, right?

7 Quick Takes: Holiday Edition

As always, thanks to Jen at ConversionDiary for hosting!!

I've got holidays and celebrations on my brain, so I'm going to rattle off my thoughts in today's version of 7 Quick Takes!

--1--

Halloween is approaching, and we have no costumes yet. Not panicking yet, but need to get on the ball. Bebe has changed her mind a few times, but I think we've decided on Cleopatra. As for Dois, I thought I would make him a Mr. Potato Head costume with the leftover brown felt I have from last year's Goomba costume, but I've changed my mind and he is going to be Super Why. I'm working to find all the pieces, but we have green sweatpants and a sweatshirt already.

 

--2--

Am I the only person who gets annoyed at how Halloween has stretched out into a multi-night affair? I know if I don't like it, I shouldn't participate in it... but the kids always enjoy the madness. We have a YMCA Halloween event on the 26th, then Trunk-or-Treat at our church on the 27th, and of course there's the ACTUAL Halloween on the 31st. Oh, and did I mention that Bebe is dye-free and HFCS-free? So there are always battles over her wanting to eat her candy, until we offer her to trade it in for money. Works for everyone!

--3--

I'm already shopping for the kids' Christmas outfits. Having kiddos 6 years apart means it's hard to find coordinating clothes. I'm always on a wild goose chase! This year I need them sooner than ever, though. D's sister is getting married on November 24th. The wedding isn't very formal, but she asked Bebe to be the "flower girl." I'm thinking if I get something that doesn't look too Christmas-y for the kids, we can use them for the wedding AND Christmas. We don't usually get too fancy for Christmas since there's no family nearby, but this year might be an exception. I'm hoping this dress from Gymboree gets discounted more, and I'm hanging on to a 20% off coupon as well. I'm thinking with Bebe in green, I can put Dois in navy blue and voila!

--4--

 Speaking of Christmas, we have a tradition of doing matching family Christmas pajamas. The first year we did them, they were from The Children's Place. Then we did Crazy 8. Then Hanna Andersson for the kids and Crazy 8 for D and I. Last year, we searched low and high and came up with nothing, so we got the kids matching PJs from the Gymboree outlet and D and I sat that year out. It looks like this year (again) we're sitting out, as Crazy 8 didn't sell any adult-sized PJs this year, and I'm not too keen on Gymboree's. Plus, they're selling out of sizes already while they're as expensive as all get-out. I usually wait for sales. I'll be keeping an eye on the Children's Place (they're not out yet), Company Kids, The Disney Store, and Hanna Andersson as well, but they usually are too expensive for us.

--5--

Want to hear about our week of insanity? Thanksgiving is the 22nd (I'm hosting--I LOVE it!), my sister-in-law is getting married on the 24th, D and I are celebrating our 9th anniversary on the 27th (we're both taking the day off!), and then Dois turns 2 on the 29th (and I'm taking the day off to spend it with him). Whew! Add to that the fact that my mother-in-law might be staying with us then, and it should be interesting!

--6--

I love Christmas music, and I can't wait until it's playing constantly. I know, I am weird. I like everything from the funky to the traditional to the religious. There are very few Christmas songs that I can't stand to listen to. Christmas music ALWAYS puts me in such a good mood!

--7--

One day when I wasn't at work, the department brainstormed costume ideas and a theme. They came up with Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs, since there are 8 of us. My boss is going to be Snow White. They renamed the Dwarfs, though, and apparently, I am "Smarty". I saw this awesome costume and am considering doing it. What do you think?!

What's my motivation?

The truth is in, 
the proof is when 
you hear your heart start asking, 

"What's my motivation?"

-Newsboys, Shine

      Last night I started writing a blog post and it was stressful. STRESSFUL. I couldn't get the words out, and when I did, they didn't sound right. I was critiquing my "voice", discouraged by the length of the post, etc.

     Then I just stopped and thought, "Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I doing this at all?"

     If you ask me why I started this blog, I'll tell you that I started it to have a place to put all of my thoughts. I'll tell you that I created it for all the other Catholic moms out there to work, because I often feel like I'm in the minority. I'll tell you that I created it for all the Catholic women out there who just don't feel like they're "good enough." I'll tell you that I created it so other women who work full-time and have husbands who work a ton don't feel alone. I'll tell you that I created it to share the humor and the struggles that are my life.

     But then when I sit back and I look at what I'm blogging about, the "voice" I'm blogging with, etc. I see something entirely different from those things. I see a blogger who is looking for someone to tell her she is not alone. I see a blogger who is looking for someone to sympathize with this chaotic life she lives in. I see a blogger whose life is so busy "in person" that she's looking for friends "in cyberspace." I see a blogger who wants validation from others. 

    Those aren't good things. I watch my Twitter follower list like a hawk, and my moods fluctuate based on the number of hits to my blog or the number of Tweets directed at me or including me. I'm judging my worth, and the value of what I have to say, on the input of others. That can't be good, can it?

    I took an hour tonight to really read over my blog, and to look at some of my favorite posts thus far. I think the ones I keep in the present (with occasional references to the past) are the ones I enjoy the most. The ones I think portray the "real me." 

    From here on out, the plan is to be real.

Homesickness.

I'm really, really homesick.

To the point where an e-mail from one of my best friends this morning left me in tears.

I am so sick and tired of being 3000+ miles away from my extended family and best friends, yet here we are.

I haven't been home since Feb. of 2011. The plan was to go this Christmas, but everything is so expensive at the holidays--airfare, hotel, rental car, for a family of 4, it isn't cheap. So we said instead we'd go for my birthday in Feb. 2 years after we were last year. But now we're not sure THAT is happening, because the other day we found out our lease is up in Feb. and not Nov. like we thought.

We've entertained the idea of moving East, but I don't think it's going to happen. We'd have to start over at "the bottom of the pile" and work our way up again for EVERYTHING. Would it be worth it, just to be a little closer to friends/family? Am I idealizing and once we moved, it wouldn't be any better/different? I don't know.

D doesn't get it. I love him, but he doesn't get it. He moved away from home and didn't go back for eight years. EIGHT YEARS. I can't even fathom it!

It never seems to get any better. Missing my family and friends is like a constant dull ache.... I'm sad that my kids aren't really building relationships with my parents as much as I want them to. I'm sad that they only see our large extended family every 18 months to 2 years. At the same time, it's so hard to plunk down $2000 for a trip to NY whenever we want to see people.

The gray of this morning is not helping my mood....