Upside-down.

It's been a while since I've blogged. I'm too lazy to even look at how long it's been, but I feel like it's been a while.

So many things have happened in the last few days that I feel like my entire world is upside-down. Like nothing is familiar anymore, and I'm one giant ball of confusion.

I can't find my footing, and it sucks.

Just keep us in your prayers?

I suck at discipline.

Really, I do. I don't subscribe to any one particular method of discipline. I'm sure that's an issue in and of itself--I deal with different situations in different ways. Consistency is lacking, I'm sure.

Dois' behavior lately is insane. I get that he's being a toddler. I get that things like, "MINE!" and refusing to do things and tantrums come with the territory. But it was never this EXTREME with Bebe. And as much as we're trying to weather it, it's not working.

At daycare they use time-out. I'm not a fan. I'd prefer redirection. But redirection isn't always possible when there's 5 minutes until we need to leave and I can't get him to lay down for a diaper change. I can't exactly take a naked child to daycare.

It's just lately EVERYTHING is a battle! And he hits, he kicks, he's just ROUGH. Telling him to "be nice" and signing "nice" does nothing. I can't get him to comprehend that what he's doing HURTS or that it's NOT OK.

I am just so lost. I feel like nothing's working.

Any advice? 

I'm not done yet.

Today I went to a baby shower for a coworker, and my heart started screaming at me loud and clear, "I'm not done yet!!!" I'm not done yet, I'm not done yet, I'M NOT DONE YET.

I have had moments of being content with two children, and then I have moments like this. Moments where I JUST KNOW that our family isn't complete yet. I'm not done yet.

Of course, the challenge is that D *is* done. He feels maxed out at 2 (yes, I admit, I feel maxed out at 2, too! I mean, I have a hard enough time getting things done at night with only 2!). We are TTA for that very reason, despite these inner tuggings in my heart. He thinks they're just envy, not true desire.

It took me 5 years to convince him we should have another. It was a very long three years for me (I had been wanting another since Bebe was 2). I was really patient, but it was very, very, very hard for me.

I'm wondering if I'll be able to convince him again. Or if God will speak to his heart. Or if we really are done.

I know it's all in God's hands, but I'm not ready to be done yet. Our family doesn't feel complete. I want another baby. And not just for their squishiness and their cuteness--I want another baby because I'm ready.

7 Quick Takes

I have been relatively "quiet" this week, but I can't resist Quick Takes. Hopefully I didn't lose any new readers by laying low for a day or two!

— 1 —

My work has slowed down to the point where my desk was EMPTY for a day! That's unheard of, seeing as how I am now doing the job of at least 3 people. I got to arrange my new desk (after having been there for a few weeks), and then I got bored... so I asked for more work! God made it so that my "free time" happened to coincide with the same time our company is prepping for a photo shoot. The person who used to do them was laid off, and the person who volunteered to help with them will be gone during the shoot week... so I've stepped into the role! TOTALLY not proofreading work, but work nonetheless! And when that's over, I've been given the opportunity to write a lesson or two for our Sunday School curriculum. I love the idea of mixing up my job--and all these new opportunities are giving me such a renewed energy (that I really needed, after reading all day for 6 years)!

— 2 —

This week I've been spending a lot of my free time thinking ahead 2 weeks to the beginning of NaNoWriMo. Yep, once again I am going to attempt to write a novel in a month. I've been thinking about the WHATs, but mostly about the HOWs. You all know how busy my schedule is--HOW will I fit in writing 50,000 words in a month?! I don't know yet, but I'm going to try.

— 3 —

This week was a week of Christmas clothing disasters. As I had mentioned a few weeks back, I need nice Christmas clothes for the kids and struggled to find something appropriate and affordable for Bebe. Well, last week I got so excited because I found this dress from Hartstrings and thought it would be perfect. I ordered it in an 8 (her size). And then later that day I looked at their sizing (WHY I didn't before is beyond me)...and realized she needed a 7. It was too late to alter Order #1, so I placed Order #2 for the correct size. I figured I'd resell or return whatever didn't fit. While I waited for this dress to arrive, I happened to spot a sweater vest in Target for Dois that would match perfectly. I was on top of the world! Until the dress came... and it turned out that what looks navy blue, red, and white plaid is actually navy blue, HOT PINK, and white plaid. No HOT PINK belongs in my holidays, so it's going back. I decided to throw my hands up in the air and order the dress I'd originally found for her from Gymboree. Thankfully, it's now marked down AND I had a coupon. I spent more than I wanted to, but in the end we're getting a dress that looks nice and will be perfect for the wedding as well as Christmas Mass.

— 4 —

Halloween is coming! Bebe is going to be Cleopatra.

I intended to make a Super Why costume for Dois but gave up (couldn't find kelly green sweatpants), so he's now going to be a pirate parrot. (Seriously, does it get any cuter than this?!)

Which, of course, means D will be a pirate. (Black pants, white ss shirt, black vest, eye-patch, and pirate hat.) Now, what about me? My work gave up on the 7 Dwarves idea so I am back to the drawing board. I have 2 yards of brown felt to create a costume with. Besides Mrs. Potato Head, any other suggestions? I'm not too keen on that one.

— 5 —

I hate to exercise. Yes, you read that correctly. I hate it. I get bored SO easily of it. I can barely stay on any apparatus for longer than 15 minutes. But the other day I managed to use the exercise bike for THIRTY minutes (a miracle!). My secret? Saying the rosary while working out! It kept me focused on something besides the time that was passing or how bored I was, and I got some prayers in, too!

— 6 —

 It has been HOT HOT HOT here this past week. It's always so weird when it goes from being 90 down to the 70s and then back up in the 90s again. Where I work is coastal and today it got to 87--that's pretty much unheard of! Just last week the kids were going to bed in fleece PJs and now they're in summer PJs again. I wish the weather would make up its mind.

— 7 —

I miss fall. Fall here in Cali definitely isn't the same as fall in Upstate NY. It's not as pretty, there's no apple picking, going to the pumpkin patch in tank tops and shorts is just odd, etc. I wish I'd appreciated it more when I lived there. Instead, I couldn't wait to move somewhere else WARMER.

Thanks for stopping by and reading! Now head on over to Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes!