Today I went to a baby shower for a coworker, and my heart started screaming at me loud and clear, "I'm not done yet!!!" I'm not done yet, I'm not done yet, I'M NOT DONE YET.
I have had moments of being content with two children, and then I have moments like this. Moments where I JUST KNOW that our family isn't complete yet. I'm not done yet.
Of course, the challenge is that D *is* done. He feels maxed out at 2 (yes, I admit, I feel maxed out at 2, too! I mean, I have a hard enough time getting things done at night with only 2!). We are TTA for that very reason, despite these inner tuggings in my heart. He thinks they're just envy, not true desire.
It took me 5 years to convince him we should have another. It was a very long three years for me (I had been wanting another since Bebe was 2). I was really patient, but it was very, very, very hard for me.
I'm wondering if I'll be able to convince him again. Or if God will speak to his heart. Or if we really are done.
I know it's all in God's hands, but I'm not ready to be done yet. Our family doesn't feel complete. I want another baby. And not just for their squishiness and their cuteness--I want another baby because I'm ready.