Homesickness.

I'm really, really homesick.

To the point where an e-mail from one of my best friends this morning left me in tears.

I am so sick and tired of being 3000+ miles away from my extended family and best friends, yet here we are.

I haven't been home since Feb. of 2011. The plan was to go this Christmas, but everything is so expensive at the holidays--airfare, hotel, rental car, for a family of 4, it isn't cheap. So we said instead we'd go for my birthday in Feb. 2 years after we were last year. But now we're not sure THAT is happening, because the other day we found out our lease is up in Feb. and not Nov. like we thought.

We've entertained the idea of moving East, but I don't think it's going to happen. We'd have to start over at "the bottom of the pile" and work our way up again for EVERYTHING. Would it be worth it, just to be a little closer to friends/family? Am I idealizing and once we moved, it wouldn't be any better/different? I don't know.

D doesn't get it. I love him, but he doesn't get it. He moved away from home and didn't go back for eight years. EIGHT YEARS. I can't even fathom it!

It never seems to get any better. Missing my family and friends is like a constant dull ache.... I'm sad that my kids aren't really building relationships with my parents as much as I want them to. I'm sad that they only see our large extended family every 18 months to 2 years. At the same time, it's so hard to plunk down $2000 for a trip to NY whenever we want to see people.

The gray of this morning is not helping my mood....