"Follow your heart"

That's the lovely piece of advice that people are always giving me. It sounds all right and good, but sometimes I loathe that phrase.

My heart is very confused right now. :/

Ten months ago, D and I no longer liked our childcare situation for Dois. So we set out to find a new daycare arrangement. We phone interviewed over 20 places, we visited a handful, and we were discouraged out of our minds because we didn't find any that felt "right." And then, lo and behold, the heavens opened, and we visited a daycare where the angels sang! Okay, they didn't sing, but we walked out of the daycare and said, "We love it!" Our hearts were screaming, "Yes! This is the place!" We enrolled Dois immediately.

Fast-forward to eight months later, and my heart is now saying, "No, this is not right. You need to find somewhere else for him." Wait, what?!

Let me tell you...

Dois is almost 20 months old. This daycare is amazing and wonderful in that it's small (2 adults, 6 kids), it's clean, it's organized, it's loving (as in, it's like having 2 bonus grandmas), it's Christian. So what's the deal? Well, their discipline style is not one that we agree with. We had no idea going in that this is how it would be. He's almost 20 months old and they're putting him in time out multiple times per day. He's "testing boundaries" and disobeying rules (some which are really, really petty rules).

What upset me today, though, is when I went to talk to them. I prayed to the Holy Spirit en route to open my mind and my heart and help me to speak my concerns, and help them to be open to what I had to say. Unfortunately, when I talked to them, everything they said only dug their hole deeper. They said he's so cute that they don't put him in time out as often as they should. Some of their rules (that I had NO IDEA about until today) include "no crying outside" (my guess is the neighbors complain) and "no touching the walls" (because touching the walls makes them dirty). And he's being given time-out for not complying with such rules when told to.

HE'S NINETEEN MONTHS OLD.

So now we need to resume our search, it seems. And I am dreading it. And doubting we'll find someone who will measure up.

I did a ton of calculations tonight, and we could get by with me as a SAHM if D just kept working his 2 jobs. We'd even be able to bank some money still... just not as much as we are now. But I know he won't go for it.

This sucks.